By Majd Radwan
“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.” ~ Franz Kafka
To be or not to be, that is the answer. That is the sole answer life has to give you, every time harsh reality hits you hard in the heart. The choice is always yours, and you’re ‘obliged’ to choose; to surrender or to give up. There is a big difference between the two terms, just like the difference between contentment and complacency. (Find it.)
This is not one of Hamlet’s soliloquies, it has never been a question, at least outside a play, It’s a cliff instead, fly to the haven of new possibilities or fall in the valley of hurt.
Each time you feel abandoned by the whole world, knocked down by unfairness and damaged people that your heart cannot break to smaller pieces anymore..it’s there, the answer_cliff. With time, you’ll get used to cliffs, you’ll have many in your lifetime, and you’ll get to be an expert either in flying or falling, no other way out.
Life is made up of simple things sophistically combined to shape our stories. Coming to this life armed with colouring books and crayons, along with the sense of wonder_we gradually forget who we are, as the earthy life starts to introduce itself to us. We move on with our lives, keeping_instead of crayons_many coloured masks in our closet, each one for a special occasion. Disguised under the dress of normality, we strive to be a number, in school..in love..in humour..in beauty..and in fame..till this maze called life makes us forget how to draw, till the spark of wonder disappear and our eyes turn to two dull holes. We deliberately learn to tame our soul, blindfold it, seeking winners’ death instead of simply living. what a life!
You were fed since you were born that without money, education, husband/wife, high_level connections you are helpless and invaluable, to the point that you start to believe that you’re an ugly dependent, a consumer totally insecure, a failure on two legs, terrified to stand alone with your own map.
Now look for the big moments. No; not those big moments..not that definition of big moments. I mean the ones you skipped your entire life, your so long-dumped-calling. The moments that concern no one but you, that include no one but you. The moments you were in the perfect alignment with your Self but you were hardly aware of it.
The moment you feel like a stranger, in the middle of your closest friends and family members. Your need to flee the ordinary and break free from rules and obligations to recharge your balance.
The moment you feel bored, and you try to silence the calling with food, thinking that it’s your stomach’s calling, while it’s your soul’s aching to manifest at some level.
The moment you chock with what you’ve learned so far, that you feel the urge to unlearn everything and start all over again with your own terms this time.
The moment you fall in love with someone’s thoughts, that you want to make love to their mind, wild and severe, and you start to question the everlasting warning stuck in the back of your head since your childhood: “don’t talk to strangers,” which leaves you victoriously entertained with that feeling of “home” with each and every ’stranger’ in this world, convinced that even criminals and politicians have something in common with you.
The moment you wake up to the fact that you’re no longer the person you were yesterday, that you’re an ever changing energy, a change in process. And you like it.
The moment you move your head downward and wish to disappear each time you win, even on a small scale like hitting ‘strike’ in a bowling game, because you’re too humble to act as a winner.
The moment your voice shakes and fails to help you make your point in a restless argument, and you leave the room desperate as ever. You find consolation in your own thoughts.
The moment you question the reason behind the sad look on saints’ faces, and you feel that you deserve to see happy suffer-less saints’ paintings instead.
The moment you notice that the ones who feel everything deeply are always lonely_hearted.
The moment you sit in a cafe and examine people passing by, trying to build a story in your mind for each and every one of them, and you even undress them to imagine them wearing the cloths you think it fits their body shapes better.
The moment you look with stillness in the eyes of whoever is talking to you, and see yourself in there, same hidden desires,and same melancholies in disguise while sitting professionally there, as tranquil as ever, trying to communicate with you in the wrongest way.
It’s your soul constantly trying to communicate with you, but its wave crashes on your shore every time the noise of ‘thinking’ invades you.
Have you been to such places? were you aware of these moments? The moments of the most intense company; yours! You’ve never been alone, you always had YOU..’YOU’ was always trying to talk to you, to bring your attention to your ultimate companion; your awareness.
You are seasons of joy and despair, fulfillment and disappointment, laughter and tear, earth and sky, light and dark, let yourself happen. Embrace these qualities and flaws, tragedies and victories, and let life happen. Be.
All these moments were there for a reason..to remind you of who you really are,,that you are much much bigger than your burdens, that such beautiful soul knows your now problems are your future gifts in disguise.
These moments were never a privilege to riches, nor a quality of artists.They happen to exist in each and every human. Sit for 10 minutes with a homeless in the street and he’ll pour his words of wisdom in your ear. These moments connect us all, we insist to swim in shallow waters.
We are terrified by the new ideas, by change. To hide is convenient and safe. To appear is dangerous, but what’s convenient is never satisfying. Glory is never to be found in the safe. Choosing to be a victim may sound comfortable, but be aware that playing the victim you become in a way or another an oppressor. What we hold inside is who we really are, don’t stamp it with shame or ignorance if you haven’t experienced it yet.
To fall is lame, to bend is resistance, and to fly is freedom.
“Do your thing. Do it unapologetically. Don’t be discouraged by criticism. You probably already know what they’re going to say. Pay no mind to the fear of failure. It’s far more valuable than success. Take ownership. Take chances, and have fun. And no matter what, don’t ever stop doing your thing.” ~Asher Roth