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By Majd Radwan

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“One birth has been given to you by your parents. The other birth is waiting. It has to be given to you by yourself. You have to father and mother yourself. Then your whole energy is turning in… it becomes an inner circle.” ~ Osho

I admit, for several years I enjoyed the process of Googling magical solutions to fix my messy life. Reading hundreds of features, testimonies of real people and a generous handful of How-to’s while sitting on my cozy sofa. I did enjoy it way more than pointing out the problem, starting to take action and actively fixing the damaged parts once and for all. I felt satisfied and relieved with the idea that there are too many ways out there to repaint my life, all I had to do next was to pick a date to apply the steps and there it’ll be, a brand new vivid life waving to me, so appealing and tempting with all the wild experiences I’m meant to live once I start, but it never happened. I kept postponing the renovation date till a more convenient tomorrow, and tomorrow never came. “It is easy to sit up and take notice, What is difficult is getting up and taking action.” ~ Honore de Balzac

If you went through this at any stage of your life as I did, then you surely have felt that there was always something wrong, that sooner or later you have to sit down and have a serious private talk with yourself, to try to figure out the reason behind the painful and strange existence of this tiny hole in your soul, the one that keeps knocking, the one that doesn’t agree with the way you numb the purpose of your life with these daily injections of procrastination, and you end up with the easiest way out: blaming it on fear, fear of the unknown, of the pain of change, of the failure, of people’s opinions, of the commitment and the ability of being patient. You know deep in your heart that it is useless, no matter how you try to convince this persistent never-resting soul of yours that it was out of your hand. A soul knows. A soul needs no facts and no conversations with anyone, it won’t extend and fill the gap until you give yourself what you really deserve, and it’ll take over you at one point or another. Only then, when you listen to what your soul is trying to tell you, when you wake up to the fact that you were lying to yourself just to keep up with yesterday, and to make the pain of the present bearable; you start your healing process. You figure out the missing parts of the puzzle. Suddenly the picture becomes clear: your “lack of motivation,” lack of efforts and your numb curiosity have filled the air around you and stopped you from going after your truth. Fear is never the main reason why you’re still potted in the same place, curling up your body professionally on the sole sofa that can endure your long staying, while your bones’ constant friction, this rusty abandoned vehicle of yours tortures your brain.

Look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never ever achieved something you fear. If you’re a mom, little did you know about motherhood, but you for sure had enough information about the unbearable labour pain. You heard about it from your own mother, your sister, your friend, or even from a movie scene that stuck in the back of your mind didn’t you? And it freaked the hell out of you, but you went through it anyway because you had the Motivation. The urge to raise a child of your own blood, to have a family and to be a mother, you did it. Fear didn’t stop you because the motivation was there. Look me in the eye and tell me you haven’t experienced fear when you drove a car for the first time, it’s a matter of people’s safety, I mean you might hit someone and seriously hurt him, or even kill him. But you did it, fear didn’t stop you, you achieved it because you had your motivation. Tell me you weren’t afraid when experiencing your first sexual experience, preparing for a job interview, going through dangerous situations to save the ones you love, and the list goes on. You experienced fear, and you got over it with your motivation overwhelming your whole being.

“Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to the soul and a trait of a true coward. There is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle. However, everyone will at least know what you stood for — You.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

I’m still sitting on the fence about the whole issue of fulfilling dreams and making a meaning of my life, but I’m on my way. I now deeply believe that if you’re curious enough to dig inside, to make the farthest and yet the closest journey to the Self, you’ll be astonished with the magic of this world that lies within you, waiting for your signal to be and bloom. It was always there since the moment you were born, all you have to do is to dust off the layers of negativity and get out of your own way. Make some decisions and take these tiny baby steps toward your passion. Trigger your creativity and unleash your soul. This tunnel you were afraid to go through for years, step into it, all you’ll find is that it was never a tunnel; it is a gate, a wide one in fact. Nothing can ever hold you from being what you long to be except yourself. Your curious soul craves to manifest in your ultimate truth. Listen. The inspirations and the signs are all around, pay attention. If you simply observe your kids, you get to learn a great deal from them. Notice how actions create reactions and results. Know that you’re a bud about to bloom, a wheat grain that yields nothing but goodness and love.

Don’t you dare to be one of those who walk the paved road instead of carving their own, who swim with the tide and conquer their fears (without even noticing) only in the ordinary stages of life that every numb human being goes through in a way or another (getting married, having children, finishing studies, finding a job…) you’re a lot more than that. When the nudge is there cling to it, don’t sell out and rise to the challenge instead. It’s always too early to quit. Unfold your destiny with too high a spirit to do what your heart aches for. Fear can be beaten with motivation, persistence and effort. If you’re passionate enough about something, fear will fear to get near. Things will start to happen. You shall happen.

“Life is an adventure of passion, risk, danger, laughter, beauty, love; a burning curiosity to go with the action to see what it is all about, to go search for a pattern of meaning, to burn one’s bridge because you’re never going to go back anyway, and to live to the end.” ~ Saul D. Alinsky

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